Trying to post more regularly.


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I am struggling as a submissive, as a fiancee, as a mother, as an employee. Life in general is a struggle.

1. I'm struggling as a submissive because sometimes I feel like he doesn't Dom correctly. He doesn't spank me when I feel he should, and then he spanks me hard for things I feel aren't that big of a deal. He tries to incorporate sexy stuff RIGHT after spankings far too often. I do not like this. I NEED to be still, to focus and process after a spanking. Did you tell him? you ask... OF COURSE I did. I am big on communication. But its like he doesn't listen. He's busy kissing and stuff while I'm trying to talk to him. It's super frustrating.

2. I'm struggling as a fiancee because I am less and less sure, as the days go by, that I should even be one anymore. I love him dearly, but I'm not sure I can be married to him. He started out so consistent, and isn't anymore. I used to be able to know him, his limits, what would happen when, etc. And I don't anymore. To top it off, I have only seen him twice in the past 6 weeks, because of his job, or his car, or his mom... always an excuse. Also, I think I may have developed feelings for another. Please don't judge me, this is frightening to even talk about.

3. I'm struggling as a mother because I feel like I don't ever do enough for them. I don't play enough, I don't engage enough, Often, I do their chores for them if they don't do them, because I don't want to deal with it. The house is always a mess. Meals are barely what you could even call a meal.

4. I struggle as an employee because I can barely drag my butt out of bed. I just want to stay there and never get up. I always feel exhausted, always sick, no patience. I know I am doing a shit job at work, but I almost don't even care.

I need strong discipline, but I'm not getting it with him. I need some time off. Maybe I need my meds updated. IDK..... Sorry this isn't a very uplifting post.

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