Introduction

Hi, I'm Em. I'm a single mom in my thirties. I have fallen head over heels with J, who is my HoH. We are living separately at the moment, but intend to marry and live together very soon. I have two children from a previous marriage, J has none. We are both eager to get to the point where we are ready to have a baby of our own. We have a domestic discipline (DD) relationship. He is HoH (head of household) and I am TiH (taken in hand). I will blog about my journey into this life, day to day happenings, ideas and thoughts about DD, and whatever else comes to mind. I hope you will join me on my journey!

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It's Him but I wanted it to be you.

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So my ex is one of my best friends, and he lives with us right now. He is my children's father and he was homeless. This was an arrangement approved by J. J, I WANTED a baby with you. I wanted sex with you. But you forced it before I was ready. You raped me. You didn't have to, you could have stopped when I said no, and then when I was ready, it would have been beautiful. Now it's Him that is helping me through this hard time. It's him that's having to stop me from throwing everything away because it tastes rotten to me but it's not. I'm most likely pregnant, and it's him that's having to deal with it. Not you. He's already done this, he's paid his dues. I wanted it to be you that went through this journey with me. And it's not going to be, because you raped me. You messed up so badly that there isn't any coming back from it. It's him that's having to make sure I'm eating okay, getting the kids out the door i...
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He spanked me, but......

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No pun intended! lol So today I saw J, for the third time since "it all" happened. He brought by some stuff for my sick daughter, and I gave him the items he'd left behind at my house. It was awkward to say the least. Then we were outside and talking when I kicked his butt playfully. He bent me over with my hands on the seat of his car and swatted my butt over my pants a few times, I was still laughing. Then he pulled my pants down a bit and gave me a swat on my bare butt, then quickly pulled my pants back up. I hugged him and we moved on to other conversation. But now that he's gone, I am thinking. I didn't feel "it". The submissive thrill, the feelings, the.. anything. I expected to feel it, I used to fieel it, but now, I didn't. So I figured I needed to come out and be honest. So I was. I told him I didn't feel for him like I used to. I told him that I was not going to use his sperm for my next child, and was brutally honest as to ...
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WHOA!!!

Long hiatus, sorry! Let's see, what's going on... I'm with the new guy, David. We practice DD in our relationship... but he is not nearly as nit-picky as J so there have been far fewer spankings, more laughter, fun-spirited teasing, cuddling, etc. DD is an asset to our relationship, not our entire relationship. There is still spanking, heavens yes! But we live 2 hours away from each other, so we see each other weekly instead of daily like J and I were. If things take off and we become more serious, we are both considering a re-location. Well, I really need to head to bed, I won't let it be so long between posts!
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